


all we have is right now

by wonderstruckxxx



Series: in the hands of the universe [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Photographer, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Multi, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Weddings, idk how to tag but ok, probably word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 22:43:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9349517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderstruckxxx/pseuds/wonderstruckxxx
Summary: kihyun always knew that hyungwon wasn't his to keep





	

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [blue_moon_2](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/blue_moon_2) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Jan 16th, 2017

Four years ago, whenever Kihyun was asked about his plans after graduation, he usually answered by saying he’s considering on getting a job at a magazine company or at an advertising agency, maybe even setting up his own photography studio if he had the money and bravery to do so. It never crossed his mind that he’d be doing that involved so much freedom, emotions, and just feelings, but after a bland, uneventful internship at a big magazine company, he realized that instead of models wearing clothes worth double his projected yearly salary, there were things that he would rather be photographing. After searching and browsing through several ads, he stumbled upon one that peaked his interest the most. 

Looking back at those conversations, nowhere did it come up that he’d be attending at least one wedding every week, being the guy who captures the big moments, the I dos, the first kisses, and hearts tattooed on wrists that prove that the universe had been the one who brought the wedded couple together. 

He didn’t hesitate then, when he sent his portfolio to Kwangji, a film major who had been looking for a photographer to team up with. It’s one of those decisions he’s glad he made, because being surrounded by people that were brought together by the universe and by fate was eye-opening, a breath of fresh air from the practicality he’s always believed in. That what the universe brings about is convenience, not love. That finding your soulmate does not equate to finding love. But somehow, attending almost 6 weddings a month changed that.

That’s why he still doesn’t regret it, deciding on continuing this line of work, even after Kwangji had decided on settling for a stabler, higher paying job at an ad agency right after the lock tattooed on his wrist that appeared a month before, initials and birthdate of his soulmate in the middle, disappeared, turning into a black heart that matched the mark on the maid of honor’s wrist at the wedding they had documented. He still remembers to look on Kwangji’s face that night, when he first laid his eyes on his soulmate. It wasn’t the first time Kihyun witnessed someone meet their soulmate, but it was the first time he had witnessed it happen to someone close to him. And he could never forget quick it was for Kwangji’s demeanor to change. The moment he laid his eyes on his soulmate, it was like a weight was lifted off the boy’s shoulders and everything just seemed right. And when the mark, a key on his right wrist, appeared, he had somewhat hoped the same thing would happen to him. 

He still doesn’t regret it, even though things didn’t work out the same way for him.

And he doesn’t regret it either, setting up the ad, looking for a videographer that was as good as Kwangji and has the similar style, someone who’d be on the same page as him. And he immediately contacted the person who emailed him, with possibly a better portfolio than Kwangji, that’s how he met Chae Hyungwon.

2 and a half years later, the mark on his wrist is still a key, not a heart like it had supposed to turn into. The universe doesn’t usually take this long, as far as he knows, the average time it took was a month, the most in other cases had been a year. He sometimes wonders if he should just stop doing wedding gigs, because even though he refuses to admit it, he feels like the mark was a mistake, that this person, his soulmate, whoever it may be, is a mistake. That being markless could’ve been better.

Because right now, standing by the left side of the aisle, seeing the faint light complementing the bright smile on the bride's face and taking shot after shot to capture this beautiful moment, he sneaks a glance across the hall to find Hyungwon, and he hurts.

Because maybe, the mark was mistake.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Kihyun-ah?”

They’re at the airport now, Hyungwon walking by his side, eyes droopy and hair pointing at more than 10 directions. It’s three and the morning, and both of them barely had enough sleep, staying up to finish the prenuptial video of a client getting married in 3 months. He feels like his head is splitting in two, and he gladly takes the aspirin and water bottle that Hyungwon hands him, quirking his lips upward in response. 

Kihyun almost didn’t wake up to his alarm, but realizing that Hyungwon’s head was on his lap was enough of a wake up call. It isn’t like the scene was something new, it’s happened more than he can count. But each time, he still gets that initial shock, a tug in his heart, and a faint stinging on his wrist. It feels as if something in him is telling him that this was wrong, that there was someone else out there that should be in Hyungwon’s position. But he’s been choosing to ignore it and is even getting a bit hopeful ever since he started noticing the growing faintness of the mark on his wrist. 

The airport isn’t as busy at this time, and the soft buzz somehow puts Kihyun at a temporary state of peace. He’s been feeling so much recently, and his thoughts are a mess still, so he welcomes it and continues walking to the waiting area by their gate, trailing after Hyungwon. They’re about to take a 10-hour flight to Los Angeles to attend his best friend’s wedding. Which meant that this time, he won’t be there to just watch the events unfold before his eyes, watching people he barely knew, simply capturing the important moments with little to no attachment. This time, even though he’ll still be taking photos, he’s there surrounded by people he knows, people who have been part of his life at some point. He’s there to capture what could be one of the most important moments in his best friend’s life, and he’d gladly fly across the globe for it.

“Feeling better?” 

Hyungwon is looking at him, eyes still glossy from lack of sleep, a soft smile playing on his lips. And it’s moments like this that Kihyun treasures the most, wants to capture through countless photos, because these moments are somewhat rare, a complete turnaround from the usual banter they exchange. Both of them being straightforward and somewhat competitive in nature,.the trade of borderline offensive words have only strengthened their friendship. And these moments when one of them steps out of the usual is what opens up the possibility that they could be more.

“Yeah, just gonna catch some sleep on the plane,” he pauses, noticing that the bags under Hyungwon’s eyes have become darker than usual, “You should too, have you seen the bags under your eyes?” 

And that’s how the moment breaks, bringing them back to their usual teasing, laughing at each other, with each other, until they fall into a comfortable silence. He thinks it’s better this way, safer. Because there’s a thin line they’re both treading, and they both know it’s a line they shouldn’t cross. So Kihyun chooses to fiddle with his camera for now, checking the lenses he brought with him. They have significantly lesser equipment with them, because aside from the fact that it’s an overseas job, according to Minhyuk, it’s a small beach wedding, no more than thirty people, just close family and friends. So he only brought two extra lenses, and as far as he knows, Hyungwon only bought two video cameras with tripods and a GoPro. 

Minhyuk is his best friend. The boy he literally grew up with. Their apartments were adjacent to each other, and they both didn’t have any siblings. So it was natural that their parents had set-up regular playdates. His first memory of Minhyuk was probably when they were three, and both of them refused to go out of Kihyun’s room because they saw a rat the size of a small cat. He and Minhyuk were quite different but somehow similar, filling in each other’s gaps but still quick to recognize each other’s bouts of emotions. From pre-school to middle school to high school to college, they were inseparable. The only thing that had separated them was Minhyuk’s move to the U.S. for his master’s degree. And one thing he would never forget was that a year ago, Minhyuk had called him at 2 in the morning, screaming about the fact the lock mark on his wrist that appeared two weeks before had turned into a heart and that his soulmate was so hot he could die. 

He’d gladly fly across the country for Minhyuk really, but it irked him how much his best friend had insisted that he brought Hyungwon along. Of course, Minhyuk knew how he felt, how much he’s been questioning everything. Minhyuk was there when the mark on his wrist first appeared, and Minhyuk is the person who knows how much it’s bothering him that he still hasn’t found his soulmate. Minhyuk is the one who knows about the feelings that keep him awake at night. And as much as he denied it, he knows Minhyuk knows. He always does.

His feelings, not matter how much he tries to push them aside, not matter how much he tries to remind himself that somewhere in this universe, there is a person who he’s meant to end up with, they somehow all point to Hyungwon. 

They point to the man beside him. 

And it hurts, because he knows Hyungwon isn’t meant to be his to keep, and that sooner or later, if and when a mark appears on Hyungwon’s wrist, it would only be a matter of time before Hyungwon finds the person meant to be his soulmate.

“Flight OZ 6723, bound for Los Angeles is now boarding. Passengers, please proceed to gate 32 now.”

Kihyun looks up to see a hand by his face and Hyungwon smiling at him teasingly, “Yah, Yoo Kihyun, you should really stop thinking about me too much.”

Kihyun knows it’s supposed to be a harmless joke, but he visibly flinches. 

He bites his lip, tries his hardest to shake it off with a scoff. But Hyungwon wasn’t easy to fool.

“I- I, me? Thinking of you? As if.”

Hyungwon is quick to recognize the hesitance in his voice though, and he mentally castigates himself for letting his guard down that easily. Because they both have been careful about this, skirting around their feelings, but never recognizing them, never talking about them. And the look on Hyungwon’s face, a cross between understanding and something quite softer, tells him that this is all wrong.

And when Hyungwon takes his hand, pulls him up from his seat, and softly says, “Who am I kidding, don’t stop thinking about me, okay?” 

It’s another moment that breaks his heart all over again, because those are all they can ever have, brief moments that will soon stop coming when the universe decides to stop playing with him.

He tries to take his hand back, but Hyungwon grips it firmly, not letting go even as they walked towards the gate, boarding passes in hand. He takes a quick glance at Hyungwon, only to see a melancholic look on the younger’s face, and oddly, even though their hands are intertwined, the gesture feels like a prelude to a goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing that greets him when they land is intense sunlight filters through the airplane window. Kihyun had been awake the entire 10-hour flight, not once did he fall asleep. He had gone through 6 episodes of Goblin and had prepared a speech for the wedding reception as per Minhyuk’s request. But the entire time, his thoughts have been even more astray. His hand still feels warm from when Hyungwon’s had enveloped it, and Hyungwon’s words still play over and over in his head. 

And beside him, Hyungwon is still asleep, has been ever since he fastened his seatbelt, not even bothering to wake up for the in-flight meal. He smiles fondly at how Hyungwon looks much gentler this way, his features less sharp and less intimidating. He knows how hard it is to wake Hyungwon up. They’ve been flatmates for more than a year now, and more often than not, especially when they had a wedding to cover, he had to wake the younger boy up. 

He places his hand near Hyungwon’s forehead and flicks. He fights back a laugh at the face Hyungwon makes, which showed pure annoyance, eyebrows scrunched and all. 

“Good morning, Prince Charming.”

He pats Hyungwon’s cheek before standing up to get their bags from the overhead compartment. It’s his first time in the States, but as far as he remembers, Hyungwon has spent a semester or two as an exchange student at a university somewhere in California. Which only reaffirms the fact that Minhyuk was right, what would happen to his directionless ass without the younger boy? Minhyuk was sure his broken English wouldn’t be enough to take him to the beach house they rented. And Kihyun hates it, but his best friend is right. 

He’s reaching up for one last bag when someone already heading for the plane’s exit bumps into him, making him lose his balance. He’s quick to hold onto the headrest in front of him, but despite being asleep just moments ago, Hyungwon is much quicker, warm palms on his waist steadying him.

“I think I prefer knight in shining armor.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

The shuttle car ride from the airport is spent in a silence that wasn’t exactly awkward, but Kihyun is fully aware that the air isn’t exactly as comfortable as it should be. The thing is, they aren’t a thing. As far as he’s concerned, no matter how they feel for each other, they both respect the boundary they aren’t supposed to cross. He might as well be married in the eyes of other people, the mark on his wrist is almost greater than a wedding ring, and Hyungwon not being the person who changes the key on his wrist into a heart is a big deal.

He steals a glance at Hyungwon who’s currently swiping away on his phone, probably catching up on the things they missed while they were on the plane. But he immediately tears away his gaze, settling on staring blankly at the streets they’re passing by. Usually, his camera would already be out, he’d be excitedly taking shot after shot of the unfamiliar surroundings. But now, he simply looks. 

He now gets why people choose to hire professionals to capture the important moments in their lives. He gets why people pay to have these moments immortalized through countless picturesque frames. He gets why soulmates who get married want keepsakes of the moment they seal the forever handed to them by the universe. Because people want to live in the moment, but at the same time, have some things to look back to when the moment ends, when the memories slowly flitter away. But Kihyun believes that there are moments meant to be kept as memories stored in one’s mind, moments not meant to be immortalized, moments that aren’t meant to be looked back on. 

And these moments, the memories of the looks, the touches, the smiles, are the things that he should allow himself to forget, because they aren’t his to keep.

They pass by more busy streets filled with people out and about for the weekend, mostly heading for the beach. When Minhyuk had told him the wedding was going to be held on the beach, he immediately knew why. When they were kids, their families would go on beach trips together, ones he personally didn’t enjoy as much, because it was always too hot, the sand hurting his feet when he walked. But Minhyuk loved these trips, would even force him and some of their college friends into random trips to Busan just so he can play around and let the waves chase him to the shores.

And from what he’s heard, the person Minhyuk is marrying loves the sea, the beaches as much as he does. And he can’t help but wonder how the universe does it, how people are matched. He wonders if his soulmate would get all of his quirks, Would that person like corn and pineapple on their pizza? Would they like and appreciate his playlist which consists of Korean ballads and English pop songs? There’s so much to consider, and he wonders if this person he’s been waiting for is actually worth the wait.

The car comes to a halt, and he hears the driver say something about walking further down the road, although he doesn’t quite catch the specifics. But Hyungwon was already done paying the driver and was already thanking the man.

“Let’s go, he said we have to walk down to the beach side and walk to the left side, 3 houses down,” Hyungwon says, already heading out to grab their bags from the trunk.

When he gets out of the taxi, he’s hit with the salty scent of the sea, and it feels a lot like his childhood. He sees families on picnic mats, children making castles out of the sand. He’s in a foreign country, but it feels familiar somehow. Hyungwon hands him his duffel bag wordlessly, already heading for the baywalk ahead. If he’s right, it’s about 2 in the afternoon now, and the wedding is four hours away. 

It’s been almost two years since he last saw Minhyuk in the flesh, and it’s first time meeting Hyunwoo without the pixelation of a screen. And to say he’s excited is quite an understatement. Minhyuk’s parents and some relatives flew from Seoul a few days ago, and his own parent’s would’ve tagged along too had there been someone who could watch their restaurant while they’re all away. His parents loved Minhyuk like their own son, and they would always say that it was much brighter with two kids in the apartment. And same goes for Minhyuk’s parents who would always welcome him with kind smiles and warm hugs. 

Hyungwon stops walking, pointing at a huge white beach house, surprisingly of modern architecture, clean lines and clear glass windows. He’s quite surprised by the couple’s choice and wonders if he’s at the right house. But he hears a familiar laugh from behind, which tells him that they’re in front of the right house

He lets out a small laugh, because really, some things don’t change at all. He looks at Hyungwon, the man already looking at him, and says, “Ring the doorbell, quick.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“You mean to tell me, you’ve been living with him for almost a year, and you never told me?”

Kihyun’s eyes widen, Minhyuk’s outburst prompting him to look around for anyone who’d be close enough to hear their conversation. He knew Minhyuk would react like this, that’s exactly why he didn’t bother telling him, his own best friend about it. It shouldn’t be a big deal anyway. It was a matter of convenience, editing and compiling footage is much easier when done together. And more often than not, they stay awake until from sun up to sundown to sun up. 

“It’s no big deal though, I mean it’s not as if we sleep in the same bed. I gave him your room, Minhyuk,” he says, carding his hand through his hair and trying so hard to keep his composure. He picks up his camera and fiddles it with it, trying to calm his thoughts, trying to set his feelings straight. 

“I know, but Kihyun, I know you. I know what proximity does to you. Remember back in junior year, you swore you were in love with Dasom. But when classes ended and you stopped seeing her 5 times a week, your feelings stopped. We laughed that off, but it happened again in college with that Yoongi guy in our basic design class. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but your feelings… I don’t really think working with Hyungwon is still a good idea.”

Minhyuk is looking at him with that face, his eyes watery and the corner of his lips curved downward. And he relents, because everything Minhyuk said is true. And he feels guilty for stressing out his best friend who’s literally just moments away from getting married. 

“I- I know it’s stupid, but even though I know this isn’t right, whenever I’m with him, I forget.”

Minhyuk shakes his head, and he sees how much his best friend is trying to make him realize what he’s doing wrong, “He’s unmarked now, but when the time comes, he’ll get one then find his soulmate. And you’ll finally meet yours. There are people you might end up hurting, please think about that.”

There’s a knock on the door that startles them both, and Minhyuk’s mother peers through the crack, “It’s time, boys. Everything’s ready.”

They both nod and stand from their seats. He looks at Minhyuk, and he sees how his best friend just radiates happiness and contentment despite what they have been talking about. He brings up his camera to his face and takes a shot. He thinks this is a moment worth remembering.

“Thank you as always, Lee Minhyuk,” he says, carrying the most sincere smile he could muster. He’s known Minhyuk for his entire life, and he’s glad that Minhyuk found someone who would match his every weird quirk, someone who would gladly make him pancakes at midnight and cook him pasta at eight in the morning. Hyunwoo is the perfect match for Minhyuk.

He goes out first and heads out to the beachfront where the guests were gathered. On one side of the aisle, he sees familiar faces, Minhyuk’s parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, all of whom he had the chance of meeting in the span of his friendship with Minhyuk. On the other side were unfamiliar faces, Hyunwoo’s family and friends. 

He scans the crowd and sees Hyungwon by the end other aisle, fixing the legs of the camera tripod. The moment reminds him of the first time they worked on a wedding together, it was in the middle of spring, a wedding perfectly timed to have cherry blossoms blooming as a backdrop. He remembers that moment clearly because that was the first time he had felt his heart race because of Hyungwon. It was a picture perfect moment, complete with the cherry blossom petals falling in the background. But like the many moments he has of Hyungwon, they aren’t meant for him to keep.

Behind Hyungwon, the band is setting up their equipment, and before Kihyun could realize what was happening, there’s a sharp sting on his wrist, quickly replaced by a warm feeling in his chest.

His soulmate is there, and it’s not Hyungwon. It was never meant to be Hyungwon.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic has gone through so much changes, and i almost, almost scratched the entire thing, but here it is!
> 
> there's so much i want to do with this au too, so i hope i get to add to it some time c:
> 
> (and yes, hoseok is kihyun's soulmate /hides/)
> 
> ((hmu on twitter @ _halcyonelixir!!!))


End file.
